


still among these cold things

by Kendarrr



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Gentle Sex, Sexual Content, Touchy-Feely
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2015-08-01
Packaged: 2018-04-12 08:20:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4472150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kendarrr/pseuds/Kendarrr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Here I love you.</i><br/><i>Here I love you and the horizon hides you in vain.</i><br/><i>I love you<a href="http://allpoetry.com/Here-I-Love-You">...</a></i> </p><p>After a long day of trying to save the world/campus/students’ bodies, Laura still finds it impossible to sleep, no matter how tired she was. Carmilla helps.</p>
            </blockquote>





	still among these cold things

The weight of exhaustion made Laura stagger into the apartment that the Dean Mother once owned. Shared with her ex-vampire girlfriend, it was like the beginning of term all over again. Except, at least this time, the space wasn’t as cramped as their dorm room and Laura was more aware of her ex-girlfriend’s presence than she was all those months ago. Aware of the mess she left all over the room. Clumps of her hair, balled up like a cat’s, made its way to Laura’s side of the apartment. Tumblers with the bottoms crusted with clotted blood littered the floor. It was _disgusting_. Laura was at her wit’s end.

 

Still, she took a shaky breath to focus on the task at hand. Reports to read regarding the board budgets, charters, all the boring things that came with research made her vision blurry. Laura reached for her mug but it was empty.

 

The view outside the window was of still Silas. The picturesque buildings and its gothic spires looked less threatening at night. With the moon hidden behind clouds and the towers, it cloaked the quad in inky darkness, hiding the cratered earth and the pissed off angler fish-god. Laura closed her fist, rested her chin against it, and renewed her promise to herself. This was a beautiful school, demonic staff and evil governing body aside. Laura chose it for a reason, and she would protect no matter the cost.

 

A yawn tore through her mouth and she dropped her forehead against her desk. Words danced in her vision. She murmured memorized lines of corporate by-laws. That’s when she realized that it was truly time for bed.

 

She rose to her feet, stretched her back, and padded into the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face. Passing by the partition of the rooms, Carmilla’s side looked trashed as always, and empty. She was partying it up with her sister again, no doubt. The thought wrinkled Laura’s nose. She turned her back towards that side of the apartment and entered the bedroom.

 

The memories of their first few weeks locked in the bedroom never failed to infiltrate Laura’s mind, no matter how hard she tried to block it all out. There was no use reminiscing. After all, their breakup was for the best. There was a school to protect, a student body to save, and if Carmilla didn’t want to help her, then… Laura would do it all herself with a lot of help from her friends.

 

Laura changed into a baggy sleep shirt and curled under the silk covers. She closed her eyes, willed for sleep to come. It _should_ come; her limbs were sore, she had a tension in her neck, and her eyelids were heavy. Yet sleep eluded her.

 

“Argh!” Laura tossed and turned. Buried her face in the sweet-smelling pillowcase. Squeezed her eyes shut and counted angler fishes jumping over a white picket fence. Nothing worked.

 

Laura engrossed herself in her desire to sleep that she didn’t hear the soft footsteps, the heavy apartment door opening and closing. With her eyes closed, Laura didn’t see the crack of light, the curtain to the bedroom parting for two seconds before closing again.

 

“You’re still up,” Carmilla’s voice was soft and warm and tinged with the sweetbitter flashback of her breath against Laura’s ear. The human girl burrowed into a pillow and ignored the echoes of missing Carmilla ringing inside her chest. Her breathing was shallow and she cleared her throat to hide it.

 

“Really,” Laura deadpanned. “I didn’t think I was so transparent. Go away.”

 

No sound of receding footsteps. Laura lifted her head from the pillow cave she made and there was Carmilla, standing by the foot of her bed. She looked at her. Those eyes she once stared into, filled with love and affection and warmth, met hers. In those depths, Laura remembered what it was like to lose herself in Carmilla.

 

Without saying another word, Carmilla kicked off her leather boots and shrugged off her jacket. She crawled into bed beside Laura.

 

“What are you doing?” Laura demanded.

 

“Helping you go to sleep,” Carmilla sounded weary. Her arm draped over Laura’s hip, she pulled her closer and buried her face against the curve of Laura’s neck. “This always helped you before.”

 

Laura lied there, frozen. There was no denying that Carmilla holding her always lulled her to sleep, but this should be awkward, having your ex hold you just because she wanted you to fall asleep easily. Already, Laura’s body eased. Tension left her body like she was ice and Carmilla was a warm hand. Carmilla’s soft body against her back, the steady tickle of her breath against the nape of Laura’s neck made her relax and dissolve further into Carmilla’s embrace.

 

“I know I’m not the hero you want me to be,” Laura, out of habit, stroked the length of Carmilla’s arm while the vampire spoke. Their fingers laced together. “Because that’s just isn’t me. And Mattie’s my sister whom I love. Maybe I love you in a way that only I can understand,” Carmilla’s voice caught in her throat and Laura had to bite her lip and focus on evening out her breathing. “But I love you nonetheless.”

 

In Carmilla’s arms, Laura trembled. She turned around, faced Carmilla with her eyes shining from the glow of the streetlamps right outside the window. It was easier to ignore the loneliness inside her chest when it’s daylight when there were things to do. But when it was silent, the longing would creep in and sting Laura’s eyes into submission.

 

Carmilla swept back a lock of Laura’s hair behind her ear and kissed her forehead. “I don’t want to sleep,” Laura murmured. She grasped the fabric of Carmilla’s shirt and wriggled closer. “And it’s not because I can’t. It’s just…” The vampire’s arms tightened around Laura, her nails dragging against the base of her spine. “I don’t want to.”

 

 _I want to be aware of this, of you holding me._  Laura thought, her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth, preventing her from saying those things out loud. _I want to remember what was impossible to forget._

 

A smile curled Carmilla’s blood red mouth. “That’s okay.”

 

They cuddled for a long time. Laura stared at the column of pale white skin, the way it flexed whenever Carmilla swallowed. Her hands, cold against the warm skin of Laura’s back, traced circles along her spine.  She didn’t realize she was shivering until Carmilla pulled her closer and kissed the corner of her mouth.

 

This was simply too much. To be close yet not at all. Grasping the front of Carmilla’s shirt, Laura kissed her.

 

“You’re tired. You need to sleep.” Carmilla murmured, a furrow in her brow. She kissed Laura back, the human girl’s hand curled against the back of Carmilla’s neck. She pressed her face against Carmilla’s cheek. Her heart thundered inside her chest so loud that Carmilla rested the heel of her palm against it, closed her eyes, and listened.

 

Carmilla may be right, but to sleep was only the fifth on her list of important things to do. The top priority was to keep the restriction in her chest from squeezing her too tight. To prevent this longing from engulfing her. Kissing Carmilla helped. It reminded her of sweeter times and it kept her afloat. With every intake of breath reminded Laura of better times, and that’s where she wanted to stay.

 

It was irresponsible to close her eyes and forget all the bad things that broke them up, but Laura took a moment to be selfish with Carmilla. She kissed her again and again. Taking her in like air in her needy lungs. Air that Carmilla readily offered. So selfless, Laura thought, and Carm doesn’t even know it.

 

Their lips clung together and Laura tilted her head back to suck in cooler air and not the tepid breaths they’ve been sharing for the past ten minutes. Her body boiled from within, the covers in a crumpled mess by their interlocked legs.

 

“I know one sure way to get you to sleep,” Carmilla whispered against the curve of Laura’s jaw.

 

“I can’t sleep now. I have to be awake for… this.” Laura’s arms snaked around Carmilla. Her flushed face hidden against the crook of the vampire’s smooth neck.

 

“Come on, don’t you still have to save the world tomorrow?” Carmilla grinned and the pad of her thumb smoothed out the crease on Laura’s brow. Fingers stroked her cheek, cupped her face, and tilted her chin. Carmilla’s kiss was light, fleeting. Made Laura’s toes curl out of longing. “We might not be together anymore, but I’m still here for you.”

 

That was how Laura ended up as the small spoon once again, with Carmilla’s face pressed up against the nape of her neck, kissing all the spots that made her tremble. A lick to the spot behind her ear. A hand that roamed the flat plane of  Laura’s stomach. Laura gripped Carmilla’s arm not to pull her away but to guide her. Her hand covered the back of Carmilla’s and steered her to the heat source of her body, the rising warmth between her legs.

 

A low hum rumbled against Laura’s back, stemming from Carmilla’s chest. She pushed her hand into Laura’s panties and her fingers dragged through the slick heat. Laura’s arms curled around the back of Carmilla’s head, her face turned toward hers in an eager kiss. The tips of Laura’s digits caught against Carmilla’s thick hair. Her grip tightened, and Carmilla grinned. Bared her teeth, sharp and luminous and glinted with streetlight.

 

Laura’s throat flexed, her pulse thrumming while Carmilla touched her. Her fingers slippery with Laura’s cum, Carmilla nibbled on the curve of Laura’s ear. Stroked her stiff clit in lazy circles, while Laura clung to her. Thighs trembled against Carmilla’s wrist, keeping her trapped. Laura bucked into her hand, panting in short, ragged breaths.

 

Carmilla’s lips trailed along her fluttering pulse. Kissed it, teeth raked against the sensitive skin. Laura’s face, flushed and sweating, burnt a bright red.

 

“I’m coming,” Carmilla swallowed the soft whimpers Laura made. She stroked her clit faster. Laura’s body curved, arching into Carmilla’s deft hand. “Oh, _Carm_ …”

 

“Laura, Laura, Laura…” Carmilla murmured against the line of the girl’s jaw. She took her bottom lip into her mouth and nibbled on it while Laura reached the crest of her orgasm. Her thighs shook, her drenched folds slicking up Carmilla’s still stroking fingers.

 

Carmilla eased her hand out of Laura’s panties and kissed her cheek, while the human girl’s eyelids fluttered to a close. Her breasts rose and fell. Carmilla rubbed her cheek against Laura’s and rubbed her belly.

 

It was like floating in clouds, being held by Carmilla post-orgasm. Subtle tremors wracked Laura’s body. She remained breathless, in the cusp of dreaming and being aware of Carmilla’s presence. The familiar way in which she held her. As if she was the most precious thing on earth.

 

The vampire shifted and Laura tensed. She clung to Carmilla’s arm. “D-don’t go.” Laura looked at Carmilla whose black eyes seemed to absorb all the light. But where does all that light end up? Nowhere to go but inside her.

 

“I’ll stay until you fall asleep.”

 

Laura fought her heavy eyelids if only to stay like this longer. Like there was nothing wrong with the world. Like the school is safe. Like she and Carmilla were together again.

 

But as with all good things, they end in the morning. Sunlight filtered through silk curtains. Laura woke up to an empty bed. The floor was cold beneath her bare feet. She stumbled her way to the bathroom only to pause and over the caution tape, saw Carmilla’s body, supine over the fainting couch. Of course, she was still asleep. Laura wound her way, stepped over plastic solo cups and other party debris until she stood by the couch where Carmilla slept.

 

“Thank you,” Laura whispered, her lips lingering against Carmilla’s forehead.

 

Carmilla’s eyes cracked open. Her half-smile was beautiful in the morning light. She made a noncommittal sound and a single shoulder shrug. “It was nothing.”

 

But to Laura, it was everything, and even then, beyond that.

  
  



End file.
